Quoth the raven: "Nevermore."

scarylullabies:

robotmango:

awed-frog:

robotmango:

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

I think I’ve reblogged this before, but “the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature” is fucking poetry

Reblogged from: eevylynn

glorianas:

my fave bit of black dog folklore is that in some folklore there is a belief that the first person buried in a cemetery stays there and doesn’t cross over and helps other spirits move on and protects them from evil spirits, now naturally people want to avoid this fate for their loved ones and themselves so they would sometimes bury a dog first and it would return in the shape of a big black dog and protect the newly dead from evil spirits and occasionally the living as well

this kind of spirit is called a church grim

Reblogged from: spockoandjimjim

just-shower-thoughts:

If dudes sent dog pics instead of dick picks on dating websites, they would get a lot more dates.

Reblogged from: just-shower-thoughts

that-kid-in-the-drifloon-hat:

bertholdtbraun:

bertholdtbraun:

There are these little tiny fuzzy bugs that are flying around my pear tree and I kind of want to call them cute but I feel like the second I do someone’s gonna tell me they’re like the spawns of satan and they sting people and kill my trees

Nevermind they’re called “Woolly Aphids” and they’re literal fairies

I feel bad for calling them evil now they’re so frickin cute

i saw one and nearly shat myself thinking it was a fairy

Reblogged from: excessively-english-jd

writterings:

my favorite part about stranger things is that one scene in the first episode where dustin brings the last slice of pizza to nancy’s room and is all like “hey you want it?” because at first i was like. here we go. we gotta deal with the trope of a kid having a crush on his friend’s older sister now again. oh joy.

but no. no that’s not what happened at all. he doesnt have a crush on her. it turns out dustin genuinely just wanted to know if nancy wanted the last slice of pizza because he’s just a nice kid. i love him.

Reblogged from: spockoandjimjim

superpunkjellyfish:

interruptingkau:

stevoosuwuverse:

good female anthro design: 

bad female anthro design: 

Best female anthro design:

you’re forgetting

Originally posted by samuelljackson

Reblogged from: endersrayne

kirkstarfleet:

doctorenterprise:

the-vashta-natasha:

kayla-roronora13:

areyefantastical:

torchwood1701:

doctorenterprise:

prettyoods:

cozyoswin:

ichabads:

SPACE

THE FINAL FRONTIER

THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE

ITS FIVE YEAR MISSION

TO EXPLORE STRANGE NEW WORLDS

TO SEEK OUT NEW LIFE AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS 

TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO ONE HAS GONE BEFORE

[AGGRESSIVELY HUMS THEME TUNE]

Reblogged from: avengers-on-the-uss-enterprise

popokko:

it’s really august huh… like 8 whole months have passed……….. disgusting

Reblogged from: avengers-on-the-uss-enterprise

carnival-phantasm:

wyrmmaster:

carnival-phantasm:

Y'all better be going to bed at a reasonable time, don’t make me tuck you in and kiss you goodnight

don’t threaten me with a good time

Last warning before I sing you a lullaby, fucker

Reblogged from: heroesareoverwith-deactivated20

voulair:

me @ the stars: help me

Reblogged from: heydontjudge